Just the Three of Us

Apollonia and Cristina,

I have been rubbish at updating this blog. When I first created this site, I had anticipated that I would update it monthly and that it would be riddled with anecdotes, stories of happiness and lessons for yourselves (and of any future children) but I guess that it was a bit idealistic to think I could possibly stay on stop of things that well and that I would always have positive things to say.

Api - You have gone through a tremendous change since the birth of your little sister Cristina. About a month ago you realized that she is a permanent fixture and while you love her as evidenced by all of the kisses you give her, it has not been easy to share the attention when you too are only a baby. I try to calmly explain things to you and meet your needs but we are having a difficult time when I am holding Cristina and fear that you feel left out. I am doing my best. You have been also having a tough time with recurrent flus and colds and eczema and well I recently started slipping breastmilk into your night time bottle and after taking you to a homeopathic doctor I took you off of cows milk. You seem to be responding very well.

Cristina - You are a stellar baby. You never really cry unless you are starving or very soiled. You goo constantly and can sit for hours just taking in the surroundings. You are currently on three antibiotics. One for your sticky eyes and two for these blisters on your little fingers. Tomorrow we go for your 12 weeks jabs. It is not going to be fun.

We spend our days together, the three of us! Our car is snowed in but today we took a stroll through the snow and the both of you peacefully slept and I love knowing that I am keeping you safe and warm and that your needs are being met. I am not saying it is easy. You both are so small and this is more work that I could have ever imagined. I get frustrated. I cry. I plead with you two to help me. I know that you don't understand but I sometimes just need to get it all out.

Your dad is working alot and I have not seen him really in over week, so I have felt alot of stress and pressure at home with you guys but I don't let you two see or notice those bits. We play, we laugh, we smile and when I am exhausted and you two are napping or asleep for the day I go into my room and think ... reflect ... relax and pull myself together, have a cup of tea then tidy up and prepare for the next day ...

You both are asleep right now. I am exhausted and thinking about what to prepare for our meal tomorrow. In a minute Cristina you will have your antibiotics and maybe a short feed. Api I will tuck you in again since you are a real wriggler in bed and then I will go to bed since Api you tend to wake at 5:30 am :)

love, mama

Happy 9 Months mama! noisy neighbors and daddy is away.

Apollonia,

Today you turned 9 months! Daddy is away for the night on a work away day. So it is just you and me. Party time! Well, not really. We played, I bathed you and put you to bed as I always do. Bedtime was 7pm tonight, but the neighbors upstairs are up watching football (soccer) and have awoken you. I just spent the last 30 minutes with you in our bed calming you down and I just popped you into your cot. I was tempted to have you snuggle in bed with me tonight, but daddy reminded me that you are a wiggle worm at night and that you could fall off of the bed. So in the safe cot you are.

The World Cup is just around the corner. I met your daddy during the last World Cup (2006). I have been thinking about all of the things that I want for you in life. And although you are only 9 months, one of the things I hope you experience in life is true love, exactly like what I feel for your daddy.

I fell for your daddy in the Summer of 2006 and there are so many things that when they come up, remind me of then and of your daddy: Jack Johnson, sunset at PB, the World Cup, sausage sandwiches, men in capris and this silly silly green hat he always used to wear. I can't wait to tell you all about it when you are older.

While my relationship with your daddy was not perfect at first, nor was it easy, nor was it expected - I did fall for him right away and fell so in love. I always knew we would end up together, and now here we are, 4 years later ...MARRIED. 2 people from completely different backgrounds, different countries, living in a new place for the both of us ... raising a beautiful daughter and expecting our second.

I am surrounded by love, the love he gives me, the love he shows for you and baby number two, and all that he does to provide for us. This home is built out of love, and how we got here really matters little. What matters is that we continue to value and share our love no matter where we are. We can therefore live anywhere! Api - I love you with all my heart and I want you to experience the same type of love I have. I want you to remember quirky and random things that will take you back to a place in time when your life changed for the better. I want your life and your home to always be built out of love.

with love, mama

8 months, potty, teething and comforting

Apollonia,

I am sat winding down after a long day, debriefing with your dad at the moment, who is pre-occupied reading through some papers. I just heard you softly cry from your bedroom. But that lasted about 2 seconds and you seem to have returned to your slumber.

You turned eight months today, so "Happy Eight Months Mama." I cannot believe it. It is like a "suspiro." It all happens just so quickly and effortlessly. Day 1, Day 2 … and now here you are 243 days old. Today was a big day for you. I have been trying to potty train you, in my own non-conventional way. And well, as I sat playing with you and your nanny, Sarah, you got fussy for a few seconds and then crawled over to your potty, attempted to get in, then turned to me. I helped you to do your business and I am so proud of how clever you are.

You typically go to bed effortlessly. A bubbly bath, followed by a bottle, while I read you a story or sing you song (Dad says my voice is annoying - but you always smile at me when I sing to you). Tonight was different, after I left your room, you began to shriek. I gave you a minute to calm down and when I realized that you were not going to calm down I went back in. You had turned over, were very sweaty, flustered and in absolute tears. I picked you up and held you and you continued to cry. So, I sang to you "A ru ru mi nina" ... and while you continued to tear up a bit and pout you did calm down. I wiped the tears from your cheeks and we walked over to my bed and I sat up holding you under a dim light. Once you felt ok, you rested your head against my left shoulder and caught a glimpse of yourself in the mirror which made you so happy. I am pretty sure that you are restless because you are teething as you kept trying to ferociously fit your fists in your little mouth.

We played for five minutes and I then leaned you back and silently gave you your bottle. You looked at me for most of the time but then you slowly drifted to sleep. I could not help but admire how beautiful you are and I must have kissed you about a million times throughout this 10 minute period. You fill me with so much love. I hope that I am always able to comfort you when you need comforting, even for the big things, long after all of your teeth have come in.

goodnight, love mama