Just the Three of Us

Apollonia and Cristina,

I have been rubbish at updating this blog. When I first created this site, I had anticipated that I would update it monthly and that it would be riddled with anecdotes, stories of happiness and lessons for yourselves (and of any future children) but I guess that it was a bit idealistic to think I could possibly stay on stop of things that well and that I would always have positive things to say.

Api - You have gone through a tremendous change since the birth of your little sister Cristina. About a month ago you realized that she is a permanent fixture and while you love her as evidenced by all of the kisses you give her, it has not been easy to share the attention when you too are only a baby. I try to calmly explain things to you and meet your needs but we are having a difficult time when I am holding Cristina and fear that you feel left out. I am doing my best. You have been also having a tough time with recurrent flus and colds and eczema and well I recently started slipping breastmilk into your night time bottle and after taking you to a homeopathic doctor I took you off of cows milk. You seem to be responding very well.

Cristina - You are a stellar baby. You never really cry unless you are starving or very soiled. You goo constantly and can sit for hours just taking in the surroundings. You are currently on three antibiotics. One for your sticky eyes and two for these blisters on your little fingers. Tomorrow we go for your 12 weeks jabs. It is not going to be fun.

We spend our days together, the three of us! Our car is snowed in but today we took a stroll through the snow and the both of you peacefully slept and I love knowing that I am keeping you safe and warm and that your needs are being met. I am not saying it is easy. You both are so small and this is more work that I could have ever imagined. I get frustrated. I cry. I plead with you two to help me. I know that you don't understand but I sometimes just need to get it all out.

Your dad is working alot and I have not seen him really in over week, so I have felt alot of stress and pressure at home with you guys but I don't let you two see or notice those bits. We play, we laugh, we smile and when I am exhausted and you two are napping or asleep for the day I go into my room and think ... reflect ... relax and pull myself together, have a cup of tea then tidy up and prepare for the next day ...

You both are asleep right now. I am exhausted and thinking about what to prepare for our meal tomorrow. In a minute Cristina you will have your antibiotics and maybe a short feed. Api I will tuck you in again since you are a real wriggler in bed and then I will go to bed since Api you tend to wake at 5:30 am :)

love, mama